There are ways a person needs to behave when you live in in the kind of world Izzy does. There are rules and regulations, there are games, there are intricate little rituals to the life is navigated. They aren't always good rules, but they're rules all same.
Sometimes, especially when his grip on the world is pulled from under his feet, those rules are broken. This world runs differently and he knows it, but the progress is fragile and the moment something happens, he is instantly transported back home where losing control meant certain death.
He thinks back on their fight and what prompted it, and likens it to the hundreds of the little daggers in his back from a life of manipulative, dramatic captains. Of begging for information, of begging to be let into a plan, or begging to be made effective in his station. Izzy Hands was known for being three things: loyal, dangerous, and effective. when one of those things is called into question or he's blocked out of it, his stability careens off it's axis and he reacts blindly and with anger. It was never Darcy's responsibility to bring Izzy into the fold, it was Stede or Edward who should have done that. Neither of them knew, so the thought to tell the new guy something important fell through the cracks and when it all came out for airing, Izzy felt the rug pull hard enough to fall. Darcy took the brunt of it because that's who MurderBot sent him towards. It wasn't her fault. It was never her fault. He made her pay for it anyway.
It was wrong and it sits heavily in his chest. It has for weeks.
Izzy swallows, opens his mouth to speak, and closes it again.
Another beat goes by and he is silent, not for lack of want, but for lack of words to transpose his mess of emotion into something coherent.
"It won't happen again," he manages and wets his lips. Suddenly his throat is dry. This was a mistake. He hasn't prepared to have this conversation. Three times he'd tried to do this and failed and now it's been thrust upon him. Go fucking figure that is so fucking standard.
(Maybe it's the only way anything gets done.)
"I... said things I regret. None of them were real. I was angry n'... it wasn't your fault. You have been nothing but loyal and reliable and...I don't know. Fucking...impeccable, actually. But you didn't deserve that. And I came to hurt you. By design. And I am truly sorry, Darcy."
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Sometimes, especially when his grip on the world is pulled from under his feet, those rules are broken. This world runs differently and he knows it, but the progress is fragile and the moment something happens, he is instantly transported back home where losing control meant certain death.
He thinks back on their fight and what prompted it, and likens it to the hundreds of the little daggers in his back from a life of manipulative, dramatic captains. Of begging for information, of begging to be let into a plan, or begging to be made effective in his station. Izzy Hands was known for being three things: loyal, dangerous, and effective. when one of those things is called into question or he's blocked out of it, his stability careens off it's axis and he reacts blindly and with anger. It was never Darcy's responsibility to bring Izzy into the fold, it was Stede or Edward who should have done that. Neither of them knew, so the thought to tell the new guy something important fell through the cracks and when it all came out for airing, Izzy felt the rug pull hard enough to fall. Darcy took the brunt of it because that's who MurderBot sent him towards. It wasn't her fault. It was never her fault. He made her pay for it anyway.
It was wrong and it sits heavily in his chest. It has for weeks.
Izzy swallows, opens his mouth to speak, and closes it again.
Another beat goes by and he is silent, not for lack of want, but for lack of words to transpose his mess of emotion into something coherent.
"It won't happen again," he manages and wets his lips. Suddenly his throat is dry. This was a mistake. He hasn't prepared to have this conversation. Three times he'd tried to do this and failed and now it's been thrust upon him. Go fucking figure that is so fucking standard.
(Maybe it's the only way anything gets done.)
"I... said things I regret. None of them were real. I was angry n'... it wasn't your fault. You have been nothing but loyal and reliable and...I don't know. Fucking...impeccable, actually. But you didn't deserve that. And I came to hurt you. By design. And I am truly sorry, Darcy."