He isn't expecting that one, and really he should have. She said it earlier in so many ways but to hear it like that..
Really, it just hurts. And now Izzy has to make a decision. Does he brush it off and carry on like he has his entire life? Or does he dare to dip a toe out from behind the wall of carefully, painfully maintained defense.
Thing is, it's exhausting, this dance. He's done it long enough that it's autopilot but...lately... it's just been so much. He's felt hollow in a way he can't quite sum and is, painfully, beginning to allow himself to think about why. Why is he so angry. Maybe it's the fact that every time he's ever shown weakness he'd been savaged to within an inch of his life. Maybe it was the fact that the only emotion to ever earn him any respect, was anger. But that doesn't work here, does it. That doesn't work anymore at all. And he aches so terribly.
Why does he care about Darcy LeJeune so fucking much.
Why is he allowing himself to care about anyone? Is it because Edward has moved on and left him behind? Is it because this world doesn't spin on the same axis of violence that his does? Or is it because he's changing.
He is changing. And it scares the absolute hell out of him.
But fear, as Edward has always said, is the most powerful emotion. And perhaps it's time for Izzy to harness that in himself instead of forcing it onto other people. People like Darcy.
"Darcy, I-"
he wets his lips.
"I just want you to be happy, yeah? You'd make a fine pirate, and you'd make a fine Blackbeard, of that I have no doubt. But it wasn't for me to put that on you. What I want, and I know you can be, is the greatest version of yourself. Whatever, or whomever that is."
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Really, it just hurts. And now Izzy has to make a decision. Does he brush it off and carry on like he has his entire life? Or does he dare to dip a toe out from behind the wall of carefully, painfully maintained defense.
Thing is, it's exhausting, this dance. He's done it long enough that it's autopilot but...lately... it's just been so much. He's felt hollow in a way he can't quite sum and is, painfully, beginning to allow himself to think about why. Why is he so angry. Maybe it's the fact that every time he's ever shown weakness he'd been savaged to within an inch of his life. Maybe it was the fact that the only emotion to ever earn him any respect, was anger. But that doesn't work here, does it. That doesn't work anymore at all. And he aches so terribly.
Why does he care about Darcy LeJeune so fucking much.
Why is he allowing himself to care about anyone? Is it because Edward has moved on and left him behind? Is it because this world doesn't spin on the same axis of violence that his does? Or is it because he's changing.
He is changing. And it scares the absolute hell out of him.
But fear, as Edward has always said, is the most powerful emotion. And perhaps it's time for Izzy to harness that in himself instead of forcing it onto other people. People like Darcy.
"Darcy, I-"
he wets his lips.
"I just want you to be happy, yeah? You'd make a fine pirate, and you'd make a fine Blackbeard, of that I have no doubt. But it wasn't for me to put that on you. What I want, and I know you can be, is the greatest version of yourself. Whatever, or whomever that is."